My grandchildren came for a visit and stirred everything inside out.
Sometimes you wonder why they are here. Pulling your legs to make you join their play things. Reluctant. I have got a million other things to do. They pulled harder and looked up with “the face, the eyes and the sad smile” . All of the sudden the million things in your head disappeared, brittled into pieces. I see them as the soul of all my corrected mistakes of the past. They remind me not to repeat those silly mistakes again and “we are here so you can prove your worthiness of living this life”……
I look at the faces I couldn’t hate and my heart shaken with fear. Are they the angels sent to correct my “wrongdoings “? I started to recall but refused to analyse my past. It was all sad and scary.
But I do remember vividly of my own childhood when I was at their age. I loved my Tok or Mak Lijah as people knew her in the kampung. I went crazy whenever she arrived with a trishaw from her house a few minutes away from ours. She brought nothing fancy but her visit made me so happy. Her aura somehow made me feel safe and secured. When I was a little older, I would frequent her house and listened to her reading the Qur’an. She taught people how to read the Qur’an and in return they brought her gifts and kept her company. I hope my grandchildren see me similar to what I saw in my grandmother . But you know,nowadays ,small kids teach you better on how to share the TV, how privacy works and “your me time” does not exist whenever they around. I have no energy to stare them down or hussshhhh them off. Being grumpy is the story of my life so it wouldn’t hurt to bite the egos once in a while and enjoy the laughter and naughtiness that they brought with them.
Sometimes my hearts fluttered for no reason when trailing them on a walk and saw how vulnerable they are. They walked ,stumbled, got up ,wiped the dust off and stumbled again. Hannah rarely falls now but her footings are weak and uncoordinated. Bilal on the other hand always on the run and falls frequently but suck it up even when the fall was hard. Cried a little. He will, I reckon, grow up to be a fine young man.
When I was little , i never run because was afraid of falling and hurting. Don’t go near the river you might fall off…..so I didn’t and ended up not knowing how to swim. And a lot of other rules that made my life so shallow and narrow. Irresponsible adults pretend to care but they are too lazy to take the fall if the child screwed up. Sometimes hate myself for being such a good boy all my life.
