I went out today late in the afternoon to celebrate Ariefah’s birthday. The rain in this December month was just not to go away. We braved the wet and winding road to Bangi just a few kilometers from Nilai; but the traffics did not give an easy drive. I usually did not go a long distance to find dinner but somehow boredom pushed me out of the house.The gloomy sky made me sad and depressed but this outing could change that. I hope. Somehow the familiar Jenderam Hulu trunk road to Bangi seemed longer than usual. But I like the country vibes that came with the drive; the raindrops dripping down the tree leaves after a good shower earlier reminded me of my kampung. The sky still mad from hosting a bad cloud that made everyone miserable. I closed my eyes and let the chaotic traffics in Bangi passed. When we finally arrived at the burger place that is so well known in burger community, the rain was still coming down cats and dogs.
As I stepped away from the rain and into the restaurant, the smell of burger immediately came to me. My sadness did not go away but. complimented by the cuteness of Bilal and Hannah my two grandchildren. My excitement trickled as I sat at a broken table in the middle of black walls all around me.Black is a representation of a subculture usually of youths trying to find their identity among the others. And “a burger” is perfect to fill up the space in the center. And me eating it makes the whole thing alive and shouting the slogan of a subculture of my own.
A burger is always “a burger” no matter how you dressed it out. Comparatively, this expensive multi-layered slices of meat is no difference than the four ringgit( used to be rm1.50) road side burger. Eating them can be as messy as a toddler taking breakfast. There is no art of eating a burger, neither an ettiquette nor a discpline in eating it; you just gobble it and shove it down the throat. Fast and simple. The kind that how young people see their life and how they should live it.
I know because ,once, my life was as messy as eating burgers. Until I realised the culprit that messed up my life was indeed ‘the burger” itself. Different people will define it differently but for me it is the indulgence of life —— having something until I get lost with it…….
But today I came back to eating a burger in a scary and lonely place. I wish I could be more happier for a celebration but a fake smile would not cut it. I miss my baby Ariefah; a mischievous and naughty little girl. Always dragged Abah out of the box and into the reality of life. Like myself, she endured life quietly hoping for that moment when life could offer her otherwise.Occasionally staring long and far into the distance as if a good news would arrive anytime soon.
When she introduced her future husband to us, I was skeptical. Her decision sometimes haste and edgy. It was the time to reach into my thougths and dive the deep end of my thinking to find some answers. In him, I found courage and determination with a pinch of salty gamer. In her, I saw a blurry face of loneliness and vulnerabilities. A pendulum of love and passion was ticktoking and I needed him to hold on to it and let the clock hands stop on warmth and compassion. and that would be good enough for me. In both, I felt two imperfect younsters trying desperately to enter an imperfect world with untested commitment and unclear future. With that I let go a piece of my love and a slice of my hearts. It hurt but as I said life is brutal and pray for some beautiful stories at the end.
Despite my bad taste of burger culture, I was happy for Ariefah to be one year wiser. Having awesome life and fabulous family are what you aim for in this world.
Congratulations on your birthday , Ifah! May Allah safeguard you and your family anywhere at anytime for a long long time to come.
