I am off again; made myself lost into the bright mid morning sky to see my daughter in Kucing. The sun was streaming strongly through the thick blue sky. I felt hungry already as the meal cart passing through for the people up front. It is July and the year will fast rolling away towards the end. This is my first air travel for the year and the usual anxiety attack was calmly under control. Alhamdulillah.
The hassle of travelling will eventually hit me but I think am ready for whatever it is. Well … domestic journey has less drama I guess.
Travelling has been luxurious event for me; then and even now. It involves a big chunk of money stripped out of my account and a period of time that I would rather doing other things ( ie chilling in the afternoons with nuts and netflix). People say go and find new memories as you are pretty old right now. Go somewhere and experience whatever shit that you haven’t done in life. I say my life is full already thank you!
at 60, I have been doing pretty much everything an average introvert individual would do. So I think I am good. Lately I have been haunted and emotionally overwhelmed by my past. Everytime I sat and contemplated the past the good and bad memories came flooded in to charge my vulnerable emotion. So this is what happens when you are old; the weight of the past was more like a baggage you carry around. And to that burden you want to add some more?? I feel contented with my life and happy with what I have done.
Sometimes, though, I felt cheated by the circumstances. When you were young and energetic, you wish to become old. You could not wait to be old like the old people around you. They have everything and live a comfortable life. You could not wait to retire as the job you had was tiring and exhausting. Now that I am old and retired, the things of easy and carefree life were never there. I was cheated. It’s like you are going somewhere and rushed out to your car and realised you left the key inside. When you go back the door was lock already. So you are stuck pondering what the shit just happened. So you blame yourself and everyone nearby for the mistakes you unintentionally done—— because it was not my fault! Being old is something like that. You can’t go back and retrieve the precious things you have missed. I would isolate myself and cry as no one has to know.It was my past, my stupidity and my mistakes that I must pay for. The tears made me feel good again like a good wash for the sin of my past.
The flight was about to end. The lunch was okay( airplane food has never been a proper meal, just a level up from canteen food of my old boarding school) nothing to brag about. Maybe at business class it tastes different but again I have never ride a BClass to compare with. But it wasn’t bad either— I chose beef fettuchinni.
So there I was ; in Kucing, again. The gateway to the oldest tropical forest on the planet — the Borneo Rainforest. I tried to penetrate the forest on a couple of occassions and it was brutal. No play-play it was the real thing. We even bumped into orangutans when hiking the lubuk Antu reserve. Iban people live there and the place was completely surreal; isolated with no roads or highways just the many river networks that define the vast jungle.
4:45 pm. I need to grab some Zzzzzz in order to function. So adios amigos.
Signing off.
